sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
