it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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