I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
