You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
