Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
