I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
operation harelip BJ is a go
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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