We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
