dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
