Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
