Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
