Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
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