so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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