The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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