Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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