we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
