FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
