she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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