why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
