at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
