i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize