how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize