I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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