don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
