I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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