I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
