when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
