i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
