apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
