I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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