why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
