i think my tv is drunk
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
