im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
