Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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