Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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