Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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