Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
