Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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