I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
