Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
