Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
