Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
