I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just found puke in my bra..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
