so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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