i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
