It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
