I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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