Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
