How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Be still, my beating vagina.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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