see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
