I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
