She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
