I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize