Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
