Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I wear drunk well.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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