none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He felt like a one man threesome
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
