ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
