He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
