I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
