Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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