All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Congratulations! We have a period
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