: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
