i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
