Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i think i have herpe
just one?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
