The maid of honor just puked.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Pants are for mortals
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
