put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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