Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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