3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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