Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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