What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Vodka?
Forever.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
