wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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