I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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