Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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