so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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