U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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